If you start with manga/anime/Japanese creations as your first fandom, you kind of can't help it. Like me, I adore CLAMP manga, though I haven't been reading manga much lately (CLAMP loves messing with my head), but most mangaka and anime creators feminize one man in the relationship. When I got into live action shows more, it became easier to distinguish that aspect of fandom from reality. And ditto what you said, characterization is THE most important thing to me, reading or writing.