blue_bells | Off Topic += Muse Guilt, Mine and Yours

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Off Topic += Muse Guilt, Mine and Yours

Despite occasionally empathising with character's plights in fanfic, when was the last time you actually sat back after writing something and thought, "Huh. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I think I feel... douche-y"?

I don't mean in an intellectual way because you know the difference between right and wrong, because you know that if such-and-such were to happen in real life that it would be reprehensible. Writing and reading is escapism, so the rules are different. I mean that feeling you get when somebody - whose opinion you care about - looks at you like you've betrayed or disappointed them and you didn't see it coming.

I hit 44k on my big bang last night and was left with this feeling. I'm calling it muse guilt. I was so bemused that I had to stop halfway through the afternoon and write to one of my friends about it. Don't worry, this is not actually keeping me up at night, but I wonder what it means that I haven't had this experience writing in the last six months on the myriad of other stories. I know I'm lingering on this a day later because I'm running on two hours of sleep, we've had an abrupt change to colder weather, and I've been living and breathing these characters for over three months.

I know this happens to a lot of people through the course of their writing. It's not quite contrition, but it's still fascinating.

So, when's the last time you had muse guilt? What were you writing at the time?

And since turn about is fair play, here's a meme I ganked from

ravenspear.

The problem with the internet is that we might think we know each other, but there are plenty of things we miss. Here's your chance to ask me anything you want to know. It can be big or little, about the past or opinions or unimportant little extras. Whatever it is, just ask!

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I'm going to go read the passage you mentioned now, but I hope you manage to maneuver it till you like it. :)

And the meme is so true. I often consider you my partner in crime, but I don't know a lot of awesome, ~~not so~~ gory details about you. So... What are your three most favorite books, movies and TV shows? Yay for questions that bring out one's inner geek~~Beck~~! 8D

Can you tell, I just love abusing HTML? xDDD

Oh, and I meant Becky, not Beck, but you probably knew that. You have great typo intuition when it comes to me, lol.

Of course I'm versed in Becky-speak. :P

I'm sure I'll maneuver that scene into a place where it sits best, as soon as my brain comes back online. XD

This was an incredibly difficult question because I have a philosophy of not playing favourites and it's not because I necessarily *dislike* playing favourites, but because what I like is always changing. I've tried to think of the books/movies/TV shows I keep coming back to, though even those are few.

- Books -
+ Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen (ironic, because I hated this book when I had to study it)
+ 'Hell' of Dante's Divine Comedy
+ Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie

... You know what I realise? Although I tend to only have the chance to read books on holidays, I haven't ready many GOOD books lately and it's completely flushed memory of most good things I may have once read. e.g. I tried to read Twilight and the Sookie Stackhouse books and they short-circuited my brain. And then the few *good* books I've found were good, but not... great, you know?

- Movies -
+ 'Scott Pilgrim vs the World' (video games + ass-kicking + rock music + relationship drama, what's not to love?) / occasionally trades places with 'Hot Fuzz'
+ Gladiator (don't judge me XP)
+ Wonderful Days (a Korean anime from the 2000s)

- TV Shows -
+ Top Gear (for consistent, lift-you-up lulz)
+ Battlestar Galactica (this is a recent favourite)
+ Sherlock or Jekyll (for dramatic BBC goodness)

Now I'm going to turn this question around on you: what are your top three books, movies and TV shows?

I was actually going to add 'at the moment' because I know my favorite books/movies/etc change often, too.

For Pride and Prejudice, I think everyone kind of hates a book they have to study, no matter how awesome it is. Like, I love the Odyssey to death, but I grumble when I have to read a set amount of pages for class. You know what's sad? Other than the books and Scott Pilgrim, I haven't really seen any of these. I do, however, really want to see Sherlock. :D

Favorite books (at the moment):
-I am Mordred by Nancy Springer. It's a retelling of the Arthurian tragedy from Mordred's POV and it's been a while since I've read it, but I think I'll always love this book. Mordred deserves some positive publicity.
-Shadow Magic by Jaida Jones. It's actually part two of a series, but stand-alone. About a flamboyant magician and the grumpy soldier who's terribly annoyed by him, but they both have to work together to stop a war between two nations (the closest I can compare said nations to real places are Japan and Russia, but with fantasy elements).
-Harry Potter by JK Rowling. I throw this in because it was the first book I fell in love with and it still has its place in my heart. Although, now I prefer fandom to canon, when it comes to HP (not a fan of Ginny Weasely).

Movies (these are even more transient than the books):
-Enchanted. I love fairytales so I love parodies like this, with a twist.
-Tangled. Ditto above, I suppose. Disney animated films in general, like Shrek, I admit, make me 'aww' at one point or another.
-Final Fantasy AC. It's really not that great a movie, but I told you I love Final Fantasy, right? And I really did like the introduction of Kadaj, Yazoo and Loz. I'm just sad they died straight away in the movie and I wish they were incorporated in, I don't know, Kingdom Hearts or something. Wouldn't that be amusing? The three men who look like Riku - Sora would be so confused. xD

TV Shows:
-Supernatural. I'm meh about S6, but 1-5 were amazing. I don't think I'll ever stop adoring it. <3
-Criminal Minds. It's better and more original than a lot of procedural crime dramas. I admit that I watch on and off, though.
-Charmed. It's not as polished as SPN and the concept is the opposite, with sisters instead of brothers, but it gives me a lot of the same WAFF. What I don't like about it, I think, is that a lot of scenes are anticlimactic, the special effects look fake, and it went downhill after S6. I do love the glimpses it showed of Chris and Wyatt's brotherly bond when they grew up. I think the Halliwell bros were the Winchesters 1.0 for me. :D
-If I had to pick another one or two, I'd say Merlin, though it has a lot of the same technical issues as Charmed.

Thank you, I'll take those books as recs for the upcoming holiday, they sound really good. :DDD Even though I'm supposed to be writing, I'll need to look at something else in the breaks.

I love Disney films. I don't care that they're unrealistic, dumbed down and and censored, they're trippy, unapologetically upbeat and they have an important place! You have no idea how excited I was when they made Enchanted, I loved Disney for making fun of themselves, but Beauty and the Beast is my favourite.

Advent Children was a dream come true for fans of FFVII. I watched that movie to death when it first came out. And then they released another version. By the third version, though, I was wondering wtf Square Enix was doing, but they were successfully milking people like my sister for every penny of loyalty. XD I haven't seen it in years, I should go back and watch that film, actually.

I think I stopped watching Charmed before we got to see Chris and Wyatt's interaction, but I was following that show for a good number of years. It was a lot of fun. Was Wyatt evil? Was that right?

A lot of my friends are also big on Criminal Minds, I should try this show more thoroughly because I think I would really enjoy it.

Merlin S1 was like crack for me, but then S2 turned a corner I couldn't quite follow and it's coming back to itself now, so I'm interested again, but I feel that it dragged some things out too much and the show lost momentum, e.g. the intrigue with Morgana. I have hope for the next part, though.

Reading is definitely a great way to inspire writing. Whenever I read something amazing, I immediately want to go forth and write.

My favorite classic Disney film is probably The Little Mermaid. I loved it as a little girl and I still like it today, but Mulan is also pretty cool. Idk why, but I love singing along to 'I'll make a man out of you'. xDD

I think I count as a true fan of FFVII. I get annoyed whenever I hear people say, 'Oh, I love Cloud/Sephiroth/Zack/etc' and they answer 'I saw him in Kingdom Hearts or Crisis Core' when I ask when they started loving him. Yes, I like those games, but I loved VII when it was a pixelated mess with an amazing plot. I have a copy of AC on blu-ray and I still occasionally bust it out, as well as my PS1 copy of the original game. 8D

In season 6 of Charmed, yeah, it was revealed that Wyatt grew up to be the evil overlord of the world, and his younger brother Chris, who hadn't been born yet, came back to save him from going down that path. They probably could have pulled it off better, but damn, Drew Fuller. <3 Why does my favorite character always have to die? ;_;

I think you'd like CM for sure. The characters elegantly form a family dynamic and it's easy to like them all for one reason or another. <3 As for Merlin, my biggest problem with it is how random and disconnected it is. In one episode, you see Gwen's about to burn at the stake, but by the next she's humming sweet songs and making eyes at Arthur again. Each episode seems almost stand-alone, but I've never stopped loving the budding friendship between Arthur and Merlin, and I'm definitely eager for S4. I just hope they play down the Arthur/Gwen romance a little; it seems to take center-stage a lot now and I kind of liked Gwen with Lance just fine. Also, I'd really like to finally see Arthur finding out about Merlin's magic.

I'm the same, when I read something great I want to hug it to myself and it inspires me to aim to write similarly great things. I'm strangely even more motivated to write, however, when I knock into something terrible and want to make it better (this is how I accidentally started writing that sole 'Twilight' fic).

'The Little Mermaid'! <3 That's probably second favourite of mine and then 'The Princess and the Frog'.

I'll put CM on my to-watch list for sure!

I understand the cringeing reaction to reading your old work, but it also makes me laugh at the same time. I wrote in FF when I was 16/17, so I was in that prime stage of channelling angst that suited FFVIII so well. So much drama! But we all need to start somewhere. :)

lol, One of the first fics I ever wrote was a miscellaneous Final Fantasy crossover fic, with the main ship as Cloud/Sephiroth and other pairings from different FFs, like Seifer/Squall and Ramza/Delita (Final Fantasy Tactics, the original). I think my biggest flaw, what really makes me cringe now, was my need to feminize one character to make it work - that their had to be some concept of dominant and submissive. It didn't help that all the main FF boys (especially Ramza; go look at him, you'll see what I mean) are so pretty, anyway. But now, I see two handsome men and I'm fine with them switching up their dynamic and actually being boys. xD

It's sort of sad. I can't remember the first fic I ever wrote, but I rode that Cloud/Sephiroth 'ship as hard as Seifer/Squall - I only joined the series from FFVII. I like antagonism and rivalry as much as I love greater partnerships and bromances.

That need you talk about to assign traditional gender roles with familiar male and female qualities was, and still is, actually pretty common among learning writers. I know I did it, too. I was pretty annoyed when I realised, but it's just something that comes with social awareness and maturity. I like men being men, being just who they are, however that is, so it only matters to me that characters preserve their personality in fic.

If you start with manga/anime/Japanese creations as your first fandom, you kind of can't help it. Like me, I adore CLAMP manga, though I haven't been reading manga much lately (CLAMP loves messing with my head), but most mangaka and anime creators feminize one man in the relationship. When I got into live action shows more, it became easier to distinguish that aspect of fandom from reality. And ditto what you said, characterization is THE most important thing to me, reading or writing.

*butts in* If you need book recs, specifically in the fantasy or sci-fi genres, I have recs. As no one should be asked to read Twilight without something fantastic waiting in the wings.

Book recs would be much, much appreciated, yes please! <3

Off the top of my head:

Fantasy-wise:
- George RR Martin's Song of Ice and Fire series is fantastic, even if it's not done yet and hugely mean to its characters.
- Milorad Pavic's Dictionary of the Khazars is weird, fantastic and intrigues me.
- Storm Constantine's Wraeththu series. It's...a different kind of story. I recommend it because it's an interesting read and fun to check out.
- Glen Cook's The Black Company series - it's gritty fantasy, nifty though.
- Michael Swanwick's The Iron Dragon's Daughter. It's dark and original take on fantasy, imho.
- Susanna Clarke's Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell - it's a big fantasy novel that's just...it handles fairies incredibly well, in their original style - that is, nasty and weird beings that humans can only hope they aren't annoying.

Sci-fi wise:
- Peter Watts in general. He's dark and awesome. I've read Starfish three times, and should read it again. (Even better - they're available for free on his website in a variety of formats.)
- Charles Stross in general, too. Halting State is a mystery set inside a futuristic MMORPG written in a cool style. Accelerando is also amazing. :D
- S. Andrew Swann's Moreau series is fantastic. It's somewhat mystery, somewhat action, sci-fi, and has amazing characters. :D (Nohar <3)
- Anything by Issac Asimov.
- A Fire Upon the Deep by Vernor Vinge for absolutely fascinating aliens.

....*so tempted to go reread a host of those*

Thank you for these, lovely! <3

Mm...it's been a long time since I was guilty over something I was doing to my characters, fic-wise. I can't remember any specific instances right now - but I do know that I've been guilty rp-wise re: characters. I was...I have been rather sadistic to characters in rp and that's a bit...eh, personal? I dunno. Either way I try to compensate with lots of fluff for said characters and that works pretty well.

And a question for you: why angels? What makes you like them so much?

You're right, I just need to compensate with fluff to assuage the muse guilt. XD Which characters do you RP with the most?

I think my fascination with angels has a lot to do with sitting in church when I was younger and trying to find ways to amuse myself. I was that kid who wrote horror stories, read Goosebumps and gothic literature, was more interested in big bangs, big drama, so rather than disciples, apostles, kings and soldiers, the angels were a more appealing focus. I was reading Revelations when I was supposed to be reading the four gospels. Then I saw films like The Prophecy, which made them relatable, but still more than human. They were tragic, willful, but loyal and capable of great and/or terrible things. But they still hurt like us and they had failings. They could have been any kind of empowered creature, but because they were angels and I had that earlier association, that reverence that was ingrained from an early age for God, Heaven and the Trinity, I was fascinated.

You have no idea how long it took me to work up the nerve to write about Lucifer (I had nightmares). XD Now, I'm like, hey, they're all fiction anyway! The angels I write about are not the angels I grew up reading about. These angels are specific inventions of SPN with their own rules, quirks, and hang-ups; they're a broken family and I *love* writing about families.

Quite a few over the years...I started with mostly ABOFAL characters (my old main fandom, see. I've done a ton with them. :3) And now...now I play with a mix of SPN characters and OCs. Half of the RP is a giant in-joke between me and my rp partner, tbh. XD

Mm, I get that. A religious upbringing = v. handy with some of this, but then you have to break free from any guilt/fear about writing these angels...

I'm glad you worked through it - I'd hate to miss your writings. :)

Thank you, I'd also have been sad to miss out on the friends and their writings the angels opened up for me!

Can I turn the question around for you? Why angels?

Mm, let me think...well, there's that whole angle on them re: religion - they're not supposed to be creatures that the human mind can understand. There's a lot of lore to them. There's reverence, there's a bundle of emotions - I'm intrigued by all of this, and I welcome SPN and A.S. and SMT's way of making them accessible, even as I try to write angels as the terrifying messengers and warriors of God that they are.

I also love that aspect that there should always be some part of angels that humans can't understand. Somehow, I just don't write them this way. XD

I think it's hard to write about that aspect, as the whole idea of it is basically something we're not meant to understand - and words are human, at least English ones are, so...*shrug*

This is definitely when writing gets difficult and we try to find ways of describing something foreign through a mesh of familiar terms, concepts, and sensations. I'm always impressed in those rare cases when people can pull this off because it takes a lot more than the standard imagination. Not to mention, in my case, patience. :P

(sorry for late reply!)

Ohh yes. This is where sometimes it's worth going to have a look-see at this little art collection and thinking 'how would I describe, say, Simikiel in words?' as trying that to convey a few things.

And if all else fails, battle-scenes are good for practicing descriptions. I'm terrible at descriptions in 'regular' fic, which is why we still have no idea what Humann AU Michael looks like. (Or any of them, really.) Fortunately fandom is handy, as that way we already have headcanon images of them.

(did I go off on a tangent? I went off on a tangent. oops!)

It's been a while since I've attempted battle scenes, I'd be terrible at them, but considering how fast the characters will have to move and multitask everything in their arsenal and environment, it makes sense these are great practice.

I often pretend Human AU!Michael looks similar to Matt Cohen for ease not only because it makes me happy, but fandom will likely think of him first.

(You did tangent, but I like it when you tangent.)

And put on the right music and battle scenes are fun, too!

I'm happy to leave it unclarified, as that way you can imagine Cohen, I can imagine a strange mix between a blond and Cohen (not that I think that image is correct, just how I think) and I don't have to bring up the issues of vesselage, as Adam's off somewhere else and such.

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Off Topic += Muse Guilt, Mine and Yours

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